Is there anything more disheartening in modern dating than the phenomenon of “ghosting”? You meet someone, you think they’re cool, maybe you hook up for a while. Things are going along swimmingly until they just stop responding to your messages. Or they respond with vague platitudes about getting together “sometime,” only to never set a firm date.
Or they — as my boyfriend did in eighth grade — tell you that they can’t come over to hang out tonight because the series finale of Beverly Hills 90210 is on. Yup. That happened.
Now you could always wait around for them to come back, but if you’re not much for wasting your time, here’s how to tell if the one you’re falling for could ghost you:
The Commitment Phobic
Some people have avoidance personalities. They agree to plans and then cancel at the last minute. These people often fear being alone, but they fear being smothered by commitment even more. Eventually, a commitment phobic person will just disappear. Chances are high that someone who is afraid of commitment will be ghosting you.
The One Who Never Gets Your Messages
Rather than tell you you’re not a priority or that they’re just not interested, some people blame technology and say they didn’t get your message. They don’t want to tell you the truth, so they make excuses. They just haven’t gotten away from you yet, and that can be hard to do with social media making it fairly easy to find anyone. No matter the excuse, they’re all about ghosting you, so let them cut ties and move on.
The Player
Players enjoy having options, and they pretend to be busy until the very last minute where they are forced to decide who to spend time with. If you’re “lucky,” you might get a midnight booty call followed by some fog. Chances are a player will be ghosting you.
Just accept that they are the wrong choice for you, and you can’t really change them, so just end it. You have no reason to keep your nights open just because they might call. Get out and live life before these ghosts steal any more time away from you.
The Hookup
There’s nothing wrong with getting yours, but if you’re trying to turn a hookup int a legitimate relationship, you could get ghosted. Here’s the deal: Sometimes a hookup can become something more if both partners want it to. However, sometimes just one partner wants it, so the other partner will resort to ghosting to keep their distance.
Getting Left in the Dark
The problem with ghosting is that it leaves one person completely in the dark. You may think it’s easy just to ask the other person what’s going on, but the truth is they really don’t want to tell you. They’ll make excuses, and you don’t have time for that. Better to choose someone who shows interest in you from the start.