The Mistress: What Could Really Happen?


Do you still remember that hottie who stole your boyfriend or girlfriend way back when? Now that the years have eased the pain, have you ever wondered what went on in their mind when they knowingly went after someone who was – until that moment – undeniably yours?

People enter into affairs for all sorts of reasons, none of them good: They’re infatuated with someone; they’re bored with their own relationships; they don’t take their vows (spoken or otherwise) seriously… But what are they actually thinking when they step from just-thinking-about-doing-it to actually doing it? Is there guilt? Do they care that they may be not just breaking up a relationship, but in all likelihood destroying a family as well?

Hurtful practices
One woman said that she had a habit of entering into relationships with married men that never went anywhere and only succeeded in making her feel worthless and the wife feel betrayed. It wasn’t until a friend pointed out that her careless – and, in fact, ruthless – behavior had its roots in her childhood that her eyes were opened to what she’d done.

Her mother died when she was eight and her father remarried a cold woman who didn’t even bother to pretend that she cared about her. She grew up resenting her stepmother and when the opportunity to “get back” at her arrived later on in the form of married men, she jumped at the chance. She was disappointed to realize that she’d been hurting all the wrong women just to spite the one that had done her wrong.

Messy circumstances
Another woman says she never saw herself as the other woman. Her work buddy had always been a faithful husband and considered his marriage a good one. But when he got together with her for drinks one night during a business trip, sparks flew, and all of her loyalty and fidelity flew out the window as they “sealed the deal” in their hotel.

Afterwards, their affair continued but became increasingly difficult for her to handle because she genuinely liked her paramour’s wife and felt the burden of her duplicity whenever his wife showed up at the office.

When the wife told her she suspected there was someone else – and the cheating “friend” saw how badly it hurt her – she ended the affair. But her friendship with her “boyfriend” was over, as well, and she wound up having to transfer to another department so she wouldn’t be forced to face him on a daily basis.

Such behavior only serves to feed into one’s sense of self in the worst way: Initially, the woman may feel powerful and desirable. But over time, a sense of self-loathing may develop as they realize that they’re not the “chosen” one – merely the one standing in the wings. Ask any of these Jezebels what they were thinking and they’re likely to tell you they weren’t thinking at all. They were just going with the moment and regretting later.

Not to belittle the married one’s responsibility in the whole business (much – maybe most – of the guilt would lie on their shoulders), but the other woman is often unknowingly reducing her value to nothing.

What goes around…
Of course, such scenarios are not without their irony: There’s the all-too-common incidence of the “other woman” who actually forces a divorce between her lover and his mate and ultimately becomes his bride – only to learn that there is another “other woman” waiting to undo her. Perhaps her mother never told her that the way one enters into a marriage may be the way she’ll leave it.

Love is not meant to be a destructive thing. Lust, on the other hand, often interferes with love’s intentions. And that’s what happens when someone wanders where they shouldn’t. Your spiritual self, your “satnam” (higher self), will benefit from monogamous love relationships based on devotion and respect. Follow that path and you’ll feel truly blessed.

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  1. It’s fascinating, albeit tragic, to see how these relational dynamics play out. The psychological insights are compelling, especially how one’s early experiences shape their actions in complex ways. This provides a rich area for further research in psychoanalysis and relationship counseling.

  2. Oh, the irony! The ‘other woman’ gets what she wants only to find out she’s just another ‘other woman’ in the end. A classic example of ‘what goes around comes around.’ Maybe next time, she’ll think twice before breaking up a marriage.

  3. Are we seriously still blaming women’s childhoods for their destructive behaviors? It sounds like a convenient excuse. Let’s not forget the married men who are every bit as responsible but often get off much easier in these narratives. Accountability should be equally distributed.

  4. This article truly highlights the destructive nature of infidelity in a nuanced way. It’s heartbreaking to see how unresolved childhood traumas can echo through adult relationships, causing so much pain. We must understand that healing our past is essential to building healthy connections.

  5. Wow, this article was a bit depressing! So, basically, it’s saying if you’re the ‘other woman,’ you’re doomed to a life of self-loathing and drama. And here I was thinking I just needed to buy a new pair of shoes to fix my problems!


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