We have all been there; your new relationship is off to great start and you are beginning to think that this be the one. In the back of your mind you start to wonder if you can really put your trust, not to mention your heart, in the care of this person?
While you can see the value and honesty of someone as it evolves with your relationship as time passes, there are a few ways to let you know if you should proceed.
The Motivation behind the lie
There are so many reasons people lie, but the most common one is self preservation. People lie to so to cover up past embarrassments and failings. People also lie to control their current situation. These lies can be as little as pretending they like something their partner has made when they really don’t. The lies can also be huge like cheating on their partner or hiding things from them. The main problem with this is that the more someone gets away with the lie, the more lies they will tell.
Put it to the test
You can always test your mate. Ask them to do something if they say they will do it and do it in a timely fashion, chances are that they are worth your trust. This can be as simple as returning calls when they say they will and showing up when they say they will attend events that are important to you.
Listen to how they interact with other people
If your mate talks badly about other people, it’s possible that they treat you the same way. It is difficult to hear (or not) but it is important to know if they are as respectful to you when you are not there as when you are.
If you are in a committed relationship and you start having money problems or notice money missing, your partner may have a problem with gambling or other addictions. If their behavior suddenly changes, they may be hiding something from you. If they start to isolate you by keeping you away from your friends and family, they may be trying to protect themselves from the truth.
Dig a little more deeply
If you are just starting out with someone, do a little research. Check out their online presence. Ask their friends to tell you some stories from their past. This can be done gently and politely. If no one is willing to tell you simple stories from the past, watch your partner’s interaction with them.
The ultimate trust
If you don’t fully trust your partner, will you be able to relax and truly be with them. Real intimacy comes with trust and honesty. If they are insincere, how can you be who you are really are?
This is not to say you have to interrogate everyone when you start dating them. If there is doubt from the get go, you may not ever be able to fully trust them. Of course this means you have to worthy of their trust as well.