Finding love is a pretty universal endeavor. Many people set up dating profiles online in hopes of attracting someone new in their life and beginning a new relationship. But, more often than not, it’s not getting into a relationship that’s hard, it’s finding the ideal relationship. Many people express lamentations such as “I have no idea why I keep attracting these kinds of people!” and it’s a fair concern.
There are many types of questions and concerns in regard to love and our lack of a love life, but they all stem from one place: our desire to not be lonely. This is often leading people to rush into relationships that aren’t healthy and only end in heartbreak. But there’s a way around it. What many people don’t understand is that if you’re not happy with yourself, you won’t be happy with another person. Everything you need to be happy is already inside you.
Healthy Social Life
Through personal growth, you’ll be a lot closer to attracting the type of relationship you want. Make sure you have a healthy social life, with friends and family. They’ll help to build you up. Take an honest inventory of your best personal qualities, and maybe have a friend over to discuss them with you. Sometimes our friends have an outside perspective of us that we can’t see because we’re too close to it.
Let Go of Resentments
Let go of any resentments and failures from your past. By holding onto these feelings, you’ll likely be sabotaging any relationship that you enter into. You don’t want to just completely be done with them, though. Instead, reflect on them, and learn from them. Forgive your transgressors and then move on. That way, instead of entering a new relationship with a bunch of un-aired dirty laundry, you can enter it with a healthy pile of clean, folded laundry that’s put neatly in its place, not creating any drama.
Fix Your Insecurities
If you have insecurities about your body, work on it. Eat well, work out and transform your physical image. Then, work on your internal language. When you think things like “I feel so fat and ugly” when you look in the mirror, find one thing that you like about what you see. For example: “I really like how my hair is laying today,” or “I like how my makeup looks!”. This is a gradual process, but you’ll eventually start to see a difference in how you think of yourself, and you won’t need a significant other to tell you about how fabulous you look.
Finding Your Inner Spirituality
Tap into your inner spirituality. It’s important for mental health to mind your mindfulness. Identify your religious beliefs and accept them. And, if nothing else, admire the beauty that is life. When you understand that your time here should be appreciated and celebrated, it’s a lot easier to do things like applaud the new day, instead of staying in bed, upset that you’re lonely. You’ll feel more connected to something big, which doesn’t feel lonely at all.
After you’ve worked on yourself, what then? Just shine on, crazy diamond! Your newfound confidence and inner beauty will exude from you, and like-minded individuals will take note of you. But even as they watch you, you’re not done.
You still need a few more things to attract the type of relationship you want:
Patience and Understanding
It’s no secret that you need these qualities in order to have and maintain a healthy relationship. But you’ll also need them while you’re waiting for one to come along. Just because you’re ready for a relationship doesn’t mean that your ideal partner is. Maybe they’re still working on their own self-growth and aren’t ready yet. Or maybe the universe just isn’t ready yet. Whatever the cause, you’ll drive yourself less nuts if you’re patient.
Grace and Kindness
You can be as ready to move on as it comes, if you aren’t exuding grace and kindness, how are people going to know that you’re gracious, kind and a great choice to be their partner? In everything you do, try to be kind, gracious and polite. Others will take note. You will surely stand out among the sea of petty, basic mean girls.
Confidence
It has been said that the most attractive quality a person can have is confidence. But we often confuse confidence with arrogance and hubris. Confidence can be expressed quietly, without shoving it in peoples’ faces. It is the simple act of closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, saying “I’ve got this”, and actually believing it. It’s having faith in yourself, which isn’t a bad thing.
Comfort in Yourself
There’s something to be said about simply being yourself. You’re unique, and the only way for those qualities to be seen is if you’re comfortable being yourself. It doesn’t matter what sort of situation you’re in, just act naturally, and don’t do anything that doesn’t feel like something you wouldn’t do, no matter who it would impress. It’s more impressive, to the right people, to be loyal to yourself.
While I appreciate the sentiment, I find it a bit naive to suggest that simply working on oneself will magically attract the ideal relationship. Life and love are more complex than just ‘being happy alone first.’
Oh, great! Another self-help article telling me to ‘love myself’ before I can find love. Because clearly, all my relationship issues are due to me not admiring the ‘beauty that is life.’ Thanks for the groundbreaking advice!
It’s ironic how these articles always simplify the complexities of human relationships. If finding love were as easy as working on yourself, we wouldn’t have countless stories of ‘perfect’ people struggling to find a partner.
This article is a bit of a cliché, isn’t it? Be happy with yourself, and then you’ll attract a partner. In reality, it’s not that simple. Sometimes people are just unlucky in love, no matter how ‘confident’ or ‘comfortable’ they are.
It’s refreshing to read an article that promotes self-growth and personal happiness before diving into a relationship. The advice on letting go of past resentments and working on insecurities is very insightful. Truly, happiness comes from within.