

Many people may think that small talk is just another way of passing the time, or a great way to avoid awkwardness between two individuals, but what they don’t realize is that there is nothing small about small talk at all. Many great friendships and relationships have started with small talk, something insignificant—like the weather.
Imagine two dogs meeting at a park, and as a way of greeting, they initially both sniff each other. The same could be said of when two strangers meet for the first time. They greet each other and then often strike up a conversation, most often about the weather. This may seem such an insignificant topic, making small talk is a very effective way for strangers to get to know each other, whether the people involved are romantically interested in each other or not. The simplest comments about what may seem like an insignificant topic will give us an idea what is really inside the person’s head. Mastering small talk is also a good way of integrating one’s self in a group or gaining the confidence of a certain individual.
Seeking Agreeability in the Weather
The one reason we speak about the weather is that it is the greatest equalizer. Rich or poor, young or old, when it rains, we all need our umbrella. It is a common experience we all share. You cannot necessarily start up a conversation about a specific television show or article you read with people who may not watch the same shows or read the same magazines as you. When the weather is the topic, we all want to stay dry in the rain and beat the heat in the summer.
When Small Talk Turns Deep
There are times when our small talk among acquaintances turns deep. If there has been some sort of tragedy recently, this is understandable. We all need to vent and express our emotions. But often people will cross the line and bring up deep subjects with casual acquaintances. This can create an awkward situation. Does this person feel comfortable enough with you to be discussing private matters? If someone you barely know is disclosing too much personal information or is piling on hateful gossip about people you two know with no seeming purpose, this is a red flag. People with a deep narcissism love not only to be the center of attention, but also to pull others into this circle with “inside information.”
When it comes to small talk about deep subjects, your relationship with the person will underscore the meaning behind the words. The subject is never the great beyond; it is how close you are with the person discussing this deep subject. A close bond that is forming naturally progresses to these topics. A person you hardly know is often just acting out … with you as a meaningless prop – a signal to stay away.
Small Talk as a Mask
There are people who are sociable and others who avoid small talk. When one of the latter suddenly becomes chatty, many of us just go along with it without thinking about why this quiet person suddenly wants to mingle. Small talk indicates a lot about a person’s intentions, but it also masks what a person may be intending to ultimately get at. Someone who has been standoffish for months or years just does not suddenly warm up. A change in the attitude toward small talk is as big an indicator as the type of small talk in which the person engages. Perhaps this person knows a single man and wants to play matchmaker. Often, people suddenly become chatty when they think you have information they want or need. If a person who never spoke to you before suddenly starts up a chat and steers the subject toward your job, it could mean they are seeking employment. Be wary; a person who is suddenly your friend could suddenly become your enemy. You may not want to mix too deeply with this type of “small-talker.”
On the other hand, some small talk can mask great intentions. A man who is falling in love with you might not know exactly how to go about revealing this to you and so every time he approaches you, the discussion never veers far from the weather or the day’s events that were on the news. At some point you may want to coax him or give some signal that it is okay to get a little more familiar. His small talk mask is being worn as a fear of rejection. If you like him, let him know he can talk about what else is on his mind.
Silence Instead of Small Talk
What if it turns out that your opponent had terrible cards? The silence was a bluff! In the pursuit of love, a prospective partner might pretend he does not need to chat a lot with you and you might get angry, perhaps even emotional. Silence can be used as a tool to see how interested you are in a person. It works better than small talk if this other person knows that you are already invested just a little in the relationship. Sure, this is manipulative behavior. But all is fair in love and war. He might love you, but his silence can cause you to wilt and beg and give away all the strength you had in the relationship.
We all have moments when the impulse to fill the awkward silence arises. Take a moment to ask what else might be behind the casual chatter. It might lead to something else …