Do you ever feel so bad but kept telling yourself that you don’t have the right to wallow? In many cases, it’s best to make lemonade when life hands you those inevitable lemons but looking on the real side of life… it just isn’t always possible.
Realistically, you can’t always be optimistic, all the time—especially when something major happens to you. While you should encourage yourself to find the good amid the negative when you can, here are four situations when it’s okay to wallow.
1. When Someone Close to You Dies
It’s basically impossible to be positive when you lose someone you love, whether it’s a parent, a partner or (god forbid) a child. Often, those around you will try to cheer you up with well-meaning phrases like “She’s in a better place now.” or “Focus on the good times you had with him.” But these words do little to ease the pain of permanent loss.
Instead of trying to force yourself to be optimistic and see the upside of death right away, allow yourself to wallow and to feel the sadness, anger, and any other emotion that come with this situation for you. Eventually, the sting of this loss will feel less biting, but it’s something that happens in time and on its own schedule.
2. When a Friend Betrays Your Trust
There’s really no upside to a breach in loyalty. However, it’s better you found out the person’s true colors. But when a friend hurts you, there’s little to feel optimistic about. You’ve essentially lost an important relationship in your life. Once a pal crosses you, it can be almost impossible to repair the bond. If anything, the closeness you once felt will never return. It’s very difficult to see the positive in that, especially when this happens with a best friend or life-long friend. In this situation, you have the right to wallow for a while.
3. When Your Partner Cheats on You
A lover betraying you is often worse than a friend’s betrayal. Finding out that your partner emotionally or physically sought a closeness (that you thought only you two shared) outside of your relationship is a horrible situation to be in. Sure, you may find comfort in the fact that the truth came out, but the reality is that the relationship you thought you had has been chugging along on a current of lies, so of course you’re going to wallow.
Not only will this situation affect your relationship but it may also cause you to have trust issues in the future. This makes it even more difficult to find anything positive about the infidelity. You may need to do some personal work to overcome this betrayal in order to truly love again. Eventually, however, you’ll find someone who loves and appreciates you, which is something to be optimistic about.
4. When You Realize Your Lifelong Dream Won’t Pan Out
We all dream about what we could be or could do with our lives. However, when these dreams become out of reach, we need to come to terms with the fact that what we want will never materialize. There’s definitely a grieving process that comes with the death of a dream and it’s important to give yourself time to mourn and wallow. Being positive about the other possibilities for your life will come in time, but allow yourself the space to heal from this disappointment first.