Your new relationship is off to a positive start, and your hopes are getting higher this one may last a long time. But these days, it’s hard to know if you can really trust someone. How can you know for sure?
It’s true that a person’s trustworthiness can only be measured over time, since words and actions are revealed (and assessed) month after month. Here are a few tips to help you assess the honesty of the one you love.
Why People Lie
People lie for many reasons, but one of the most common reasons is that they’re trying to “save face.” They care so much about their reputation and what other think of them that they are willing to lie in order to be seen in a positive light. Another reason people lie is to maintain control of a situation by shifting reality. They may tell a little white lie or they may do something more significant like cheat on a significant other or hide money. The lying can become habitual as being irresponsible becomes their coping mechanism. They don’t understand that not being trustworthy limits opportunities in their personal and professional lives.
It’s okay to test your partner to see if they’re trustworthy. If you ask them to do something, do they do it and in a reasonable amount of time? Do they call you back when they say they will? Do they promise to support your activities and events and actually show up?
Notice How They Speak About Others
If your partner is saying nasty things about other people in your presence, there’s a good chance they’re saying nasty things about you behind your back. I had a friend who would speak ill of others in my presence and I later found out that they were speaking ill of me behind my back too. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but it’s important if you want to make sure the person you love is trustworthy.
Money, Friends and Family
Depending on your level of commitment, you may notice money missing or money issues. This could be a sign of cheating or addiction. If they are acting unusual, they may be trying to hide something from you. If they are keeping you from friends, family or major life events, they could be doing it because they don’t want you to know who they really are. Friends and family who have been around for a while know your partner on a deeper level. They may tell you something unflattering about them and if you’re partner is keeping you apart, it’s probably because there’s something they don’t want you to know.
Check Their References
Before a company hires a new employee, they do a background check. The same should be done when it comes to a new relationship. Google them and check out their social media profiles. If you do get to meet their friends and family, politely probe them for information. If they aren’t willing to tell you much, observe how your love interest interacts with them. It helps to understand what path your mate has been traveling on before they met you.
Trust and Intimacy
Trust and intimacy go hand-in-hand. If you don’t fully trust someone, how can you give yourself to them completely? Sure, most of us lie to our partners on occasion, whether it’s because we don’t want to hurt their feelings or start a fight. However, successful relationships are based on sincerity, honesty and the ability to trust one another. And true intimacy stems from sincerity, honesty and trust too.
In the beginning of a relationship, you have no other option but to trust the other person, if you want the relationship to work out. By doubting someone from the beginning, you may be sabotaging your relationship. We’ve all been burned in the past, but trust them and proceed with caution.
If you want a trustworthy partner, be trustworthy yourself. Be open and honest with who you are, warts and all. This will encourage your partner to be open and honest with you. And if you see or hear anything you don’t like, at least you have the power to make an informed decision about moving forward with them or moving on to find someone new.